Attunement

We are standing on ladders, pruning apple trees. It takes time to enter a "pruning state". No matter how much I read about it, it doesn't land. Standing in front of the tree, I usually enter a catatonic state, no idea where to start. The way to deal with it is to go into attunement, inner listening.  I close my eyes, ignore the environment, balance my heart bit with  the tree's bit. When I am really focused, provided we are not close to tea break (10.30 am, 3.30 pm...) and I don't attune to cookies, I am able to "read" the tree, my hand moves with no thought, and the magic happens.  

Attunement serves us when the department needs to take difficult decisions. The teams are changing frequently and every department has a small number of permanent staff, apprentices that come for a few months and might become staff, and many guests that come for a week or for months. Everybody go through the same long path from guest to staff. It is a challenging path of apprenticeship, of living together in community, loads of satisfaction and creativity. Therefore when it's time to accept a new member to the team, we approach it very seriously, and with open heart. We've been there.

It's not easy to say no when someone responds to an inner call to serve, to take care of this magical place. Findhorn attracts many people from all over the world and it is a privilege to become one of its carers. Is it enough that an apprentice is a good devoted worker? Good with guests? We need gardeners, the season is starting soon. I know what we are facing in terms of gardening and holding guests. Every day is a mini workshop. More gardeners will enable us to take some vacation time. Yet, something doesn’t work and I can't put my finger on it.

Findhorn has a very strong energy field. Emotional baggage is released to the ether, as our guests allow themselves to let go, our own emotional/spiritual baggage circling around. The energy flow within the team is very important, the non verbal support, the ability to let go, relax, knowing that others are there for me. Every Wednesday afternoon we meet for meditation and sharing, instant psychological therapy. I unloaded buckets of emotions from my deepest spaces during this quality time, knowing that the stage is mine and nobody will give unwanted feedback. There will be listening, total support and confidentiality. The sacred space of sharing will be kept sacred. It takes time to develop this space of total trust.

The head is very much aware of the need for more  gardeners, the heart finds it difficult to say no without a "justified " reason, but there is an inner feeling that it doesn't work.

Attunement  - we gather for a guided meditation. Our focaliser (the one who holds the team and the focus of the garden) guides us to the dimension of thoughts and feelings. The pictures are flying in front of me and I am deep in conversation between me, I and myself. Part of me watches the proceedings from a detached space.  Later we are asked to go deeper, to allow a deeper voice to emerge, to look at the bigger picture, beyond our department, to receive clarity regarding the higher good for all of us.

It seems that the effort of living together takes a lot of energy that can be directed to creativity and growth. Instead, we are diminishing ourselves, tip towing. Our apprentice has a big strong lovable personality, charisma and great skills. The effort it takes to diminish herself in order to fit in, the effort we make to let her be herself, will eventually bring unnecessary stress and bitterness. I prefer a bed with different plants that co-exist in harmony then one spectacular plant that others can't grow next to.

We share, it seems that all five team members received the same message. There are tears, there is pain, I feel acid in my stomach, but there is also a feeling of acceptance, of a pure, compassionate process. Our apprentice chooses to work with us for a few more days. There is bitterness but I don't feel that it is directed towards us. I feel purity and expansiveness. If we tried to explain verbally, we would have ended with blame and defensiveness. Some situations are beyond words and a deeper space should make the decision.

This process of decision making that allows a deeper voice to take charge, is purifying and releasing all stress. Let go, surrender with faith that whatever comes is for the good of all. I made the most crucial life decisions this way (after talking myself to death with an overly active mind...). I don't remember any regrets. There is no right or wrong here, just an ever changing point of equilibrium, while we look for the next step forward.

During our internal conference, we picked the Findhorn Foundation angel for 2017: The angel of Relaxation. Kathy Tyler, who led us through a day of silence and a process called Sacred Chambers, pointed out that this does not mean a year in a coma....relaxation means allowing ourselves to be processed rather than actively process.

Surrender...attunement....and garden....

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Co – Creation with Nature

Iona. We are collecting seaweeds on the beach and spread it in the garden. The seaweeds will sink into the soil and nourish it with goodies all through winter, preparing it for planting in the spring. The weather is surprisingly good (middle of December…) and we want to give back to the house and the people who take care of it, for the pampering and the warmth that engulfs us. 

While working in the garden, I am trying to "feel" it, to befriend the "locals", plants and unseen beings. This garden is a stranger to me, I feel like a guest here. It takes time to become friends, understand the behaviors, wishes and will of the regular residents and co- creators.

After two years, 2 cycles of 4 seasons, I know my garden in Findhorn like I know myself. At times we reflect each other. Sometimes during the years, I learned to look the plants and trees in the eye (thank you Findhorn !). It is easier with animals, they respond with emotion that we can decipher. When we talk to a plant we need to dive deeper, use imagination and release the feeing that it is ridiculous and a waste of time. The next stage is to work with the plant's spirit and nature spirits to bring change. I am focused on creating "healing pockets", soothing energy from the ground that invites us to let go, to feel safe. This kind of work became very tangible to me, almost physical, clear as the use of my other 5 senses.  

Co – creation with nature is one of the 3 core principles that built Findhorn. Last winter, in a series of meetings within the Foundation, I realized how unclear this principle is to people who are not gardeners. The 2 other principles, inner listening and service to the world, are usually what bring people to live here, but for many who do not work with nature on a daily basis, the concept of talking to nature eye to eye doesn't land. Last winter a decision was made to widen this principle to "co – creation with all forms of life". I know that this is the result of meditations and attunements, but it doesn't resonate with me. It is too abstract, too wide. Whether we have the right to change our core principles is another discussion.

This magical place was built on the basis of 3 core principles. The world is full with communities, learning centers, places that live the principles of inner listening and service to the world. I never saw a place that brought co-creation with nature to such heights. The work that was done here made Findhorn famous around the world (lots of books on the subject). Over the years, this principle lost its center role within the community. The many guests that visit us are very interested to hear about this particular work. 

Co – creation with nature is what brought me year after year to Findhorn, and I came to garden here in order to live it on a daily basis. I had a strong feeling that if we can open "healing pockets " in my country, we will eventually be nourished by the land and stop the cycles of violence. I didn't think for a moment that it will happen in my life time, but you need to start somewhere. I am not an expert, you cannot be an expert on a personal experience, different for each person. I don't know how to teach it, but I hope that by writing about my experiences, I will open for others a door to this magical rich world. 

10 days in Iona bring clarity regarding my place in the cauldron called Findhorn. I want to bring co- creation with nature to the center. I want to bring back the magic. Magic is an action through which we create change, with love and minimum chaos. Every action creates a response on the energetic web (butterfly affect…).  A ground/land related action is very potent and we need to approach it with an open,  pure heart. The unseen partners are ready and waiting for us to ask for support.

How do we do it? that remains to be seen. When? Now…..

  

Closure and a New Beginning

Back in Iona, the magical island in west Scotland. I started my spiritual journey here, at the end of February 2016. I came back in December 2016, for closure. In between I traveled, meditated, connected to different qualities of land in Glastonbury, Jerusalem, Armageddon (it's a place in Israel...) and the Sea of Galilee. I returned to the garden in Findhorn during September, same garden, same old house.

Back in my old familiar place, taking responsibility for "my" old gardens, but from a different place within me. I am different, Findhorn is different, and landing is not easy. Great familiar happiness, a sense of coming home, but Findhorn is never static, people left, new people came, the garden team shrank (we managed to lose all our British gardeners, no one to teach us  all these funny words that exist only in British English...).

For some reason I cannot ground myself. It's a bit strange for a gardener that works with the soil daily, but I feel a gap between head and heart, between physical work, energy oriented towards the ground, and  my other parts that seem to go all over the place. In addition, I had to focalise (manage...) the department for a month when all I wanted to do was go deep into the earth and be with myself after months of wondering around. I go through a severe cold, a sprained ankle, I count to 10 before I open my mouth and feel that I'm about to explode.  

So I came to Iona, to Findhorn's retreat house for 10 days, and since my ankle is still weak and there is a strong cold wind outside, I am forced to stay put and grounded. Lots of meditations and deep sleep. Just being.

The Solstice is in a week, the shortest  day of the year or the longest night, depends how you look at it. On 21.12 the sun is starting to come back and the energetic seeds are sown into us. If we attune deeply, connect to their potential, these seeds will explode in spring, in a celebration of creativity. In Findhorn, we walk the spiral in order to start this movement towards the New Year. 

We, the gardeners, are collecting green branches and red berries in order to build a big spiral in the Universal Hall. Creating the actual spiral is a morning of celebration with many volunteers. I am starting to release 2016 a few days before, forgiving myself for bad decisions and congratulating myself on a job well done (more congratulating than forgiving to be honest...)  

People walk the spiral during the day, even in the middle of the night. A slow walk towards the center, releasing the old, lighting a small candle in the center and starting to walk out. At the exit we pick an angel card. The angel for the year represents a quality that will guide the New Year's experiences.

Last December, when I picked the angel of Strength, I did not imagine such a dramatic change a month later, a long journey, the need to choose whether to come back or move on. I called this angel for help, found myself led with almost no free choice. I kept "hearing" that I need to go back from a different place on my personal spiral of development, but what were the chances that my staff position in the garden, my house and "my" gardens would be available, waiting for me to resume my work? 

The week on Iona is dedicated (besides eating, sleeping and doing jigsaw puzzles...) to releasing the previous year. I gladly release the angel of Strength, will be happy to receive the angel of Relaxation or Celebration but something tells me that it won't be that easy...

I am trying to connect to new seeds, to see what changed in me, to understand what brought me to choose the garden again, in winter...there were several other roles that I could have applied for, nothing felt right. First images: infrastructure, hands in the ground (in spring...), creating a physical change, bringing energetic change, supporting the huge change that Findhorn is going through, mini earthquake. A generation change, a new one that takes us to new directions, and the crucial need not to lose the base, to deepen our lives according to the three core principles: inner listening, co-creation with nature and service to the world. And do all that with a lot of laughter and joy, not too seriously.

Solstice night, walked the spiral. My angel for this year is Synthesis. He is all about using creativity and sensitivity to blend all diverse parts into a unified whole. I have a year to figure it out... 

Happy New Year!  

Shaking the Heart of Jerusalem

First published 20.4.2016

In order to fix, we need to go back to when it started to break. There are 20 of us, Israelis and Europeans, following Marko Pogacnik around Jerusalem. Marko believes that the essence of Jerusalem is peace, a primeval, archetypal power that was blocked, twisted and weakened for 3000 years. We are going back in time to connect to the moment when Monotheism conquered Paganism, when the Goddess was forced to hide. These 4 days are about finding the Goddess in Jerusalem, a perfect follow up for my own personal work here the week before. Somebody up there really wants me to do my inner work….

Marko refuses to go into the Old City, he received guidance to approach Jerusalem from the outside and work around the walls. I am a bit worried when he walks confidently towards Damascus Gate, the center of terror for the last few months, but the day is beautiful and peaceful, and I relax, surrender and trust.

Zidkiyahu cave

We need to penetrate the walls of stone, we need to go into the mountain, connect heaven and earth. We go into a deep cave, below the Old City. Deep in the ground, we open our hearts, the heart of the place, we open the heart of Jerusalem through meditation and chanting. Our voices vibrate, bounce over the rocks and come back to us. I feel the mountain stretching, awakening, a powerful experience

A ritual is a language, a way to communicate information to non human entities. These entities do not have physical eyes, they do not understand our language. They can feel our intention and vibrations . I am starting to feel a connection to the angels.

Damascus Gate

We go out filled with love and light, and crash into reality. We are in the Palestinian side of the city, close to Damascus gate, a picture of normal life except for the soldiers. Busy shops, school children on their way home, women with shopping bags.  We are sitting with our backs to the wall enjoying a picnic lunch. A few teenagers are starting to circle us. In seconds the soldiers round them up, check their bags for weapons. A full body check, hands up, facing the wall, while everybody watches. I look at the one closest to me, the mixture of anger and humiliation on his face.

A wave of despair goes through the group. Our European guests are shocked and fascinated, welcome to the Middle East. Is this the future that awaits Europe?  What are we doing here? How can we make a difference in this impossible reality?

We move on immediately after this episode, not wanting to cause anymore disruption. My energy is low, my throat is clogged and I feel like crying. Marko manages to gather us energetically and we continue our conversation with the Goddess and her angels. His favorite metaphor is the David and Goliath story. We are David….small but focused. I keep thinking of the butterfly that causes walls to fall. I remind myself that I am not saving the world single handedly. This work is first and foremost for me, my connection to this frequency, my transformation. There are many that are connecting to the same source and eventually we will become a critical mass that will actually change this reality. It might not happen during my life, but what the hell, we need to start somewhere.  

2 days around the walls, walking, meditating, chanting, visualizing a better world, actually feeling a change in the energy, or maybe it is our focus and perception that are shifting.

Valley of Hell

The last day is dedicated to the Valley of Hell, a horrible name for a beautiful energetic place. The Old Testament condemned this valley, hinting that the pagans sacrificed their children to the Gods here. It was never confirmed and not very likely, human sacrifices were extremely rare in the Middle East. Another attempt to discredit Goddess work. They conquered the sacred hills that are Jerusalem and covered them with stone buildings. The valley is so powerful, they couldn't conquer its energy, so they needed to discredit it. Nobody ever built there, the reputation of it being the gate to hell actually saved it. It is a true garden of paradise, the Goddess' Garden, with fig, olive, almond and pomegranate trees in abundance. It looks like a serpent, another Goddess symbol, curling towards the Dead Sea. It feels like the only sane space below this crazy city, protecting it from losing its mind completely by sending powerful Mother Earth energy up the mountain.

I am leaving Jerusalem with a spark of new hope, not letting reality and facts confuse me. Many Israelis, including myself, tend to stay away from Jerusalem, leaving it to the fanatics, but Jerusalem is too powerful to be left uncared for. Its energy effects globally, 3 major religions have been fighting over it for 3000 years… The mountain is ready to communicate, its energy will go where we direct it, and we left it too long in care of dark forces. 

     

And thank you, Marko, we could never have done it without you.

Jerusalem

Avalon