Closure and a New Beginning

Back in Iona, the magical island in west Scotland. I started my spiritual journey here, at the end of February 2016. I came back in December 2016, for closure. In between I traveled, meditated, connected to different qualities of land in Glastonbury, Jerusalem, Armageddon (it's a place in Israel...) and the Sea of Galilee. I returned to the garden in Findhorn during September, same garden, same old house.

Back in my old familiar place, taking responsibility for "my" old gardens, but from a different place within me. I am different, Findhorn is different, and landing is not easy. Great familiar happiness, a sense of coming home, but Findhorn is never static, people left, new people came, the garden team shrank (we managed to lose all our British gardeners, no one to teach us  all these funny words that exist only in British English...).

For some reason I cannot ground myself. It's a bit strange for a gardener that works with the soil daily, but I feel a gap between head and heart, between physical work, energy oriented towards the ground, and  my other parts that seem to go all over the place. In addition, I had to focalise (manage...) the department for a month when all I wanted to do was go deep into the earth and be with myself after months of wondering around. I go through a severe cold, a sprained ankle, I count to 10 before I open my mouth and feel that I'm about to explode.  

So I came to Iona, to Findhorn's retreat house for 10 days, and since my ankle is still weak and there is a strong cold wind outside, I am forced to stay put and grounded. Lots of meditations and deep sleep. Just being.

The Solstice is in a week, the shortest  day of the year or the longest night, depends how you look at it. On 21.12 the sun is starting to come back and the energetic seeds are sown into us. If we attune deeply, connect to their potential, these seeds will explode in spring, in a celebration of creativity. In Findhorn, we walk the spiral in order to start this movement towards the New Year. 

We, the gardeners, are collecting green branches and red berries in order to build a big spiral in the Universal Hall. Creating the actual spiral is a morning of celebration with many volunteers. I am starting to release 2016 a few days before, forgiving myself for bad decisions and congratulating myself on a job well done (more congratulating than forgiving to be honest...)  

People walk the spiral during the day, even in the middle of the night. A slow walk towards the center, releasing the old, lighting a small candle in the center and starting to walk out. At the exit we pick an angel card. The angel for the year represents a quality that will guide the New Year's experiences.

Last December, when I picked the angel of Strength, I did not imagine such a dramatic change a month later, a long journey, the need to choose whether to come back or move on. I called this angel for help, found myself led with almost no free choice. I kept "hearing" that I need to go back from a different place on my personal spiral of development, but what were the chances that my staff position in the garden, my house and "my" gardens would be available, waiting for me to resume my work? 

The week on Iona is dedicated (besides eating, sleeping and doing jigsaw puzzles...) to releasing the previous year. I gladly release the angel of Strength, will be happy to receive the angel of Relaxation or Celebration but something tells me that it won't be that easy...

I am trying to connect to new seeds, to see what changed in me, to understand what brought me to choose the garden again, in winter...there were several other roles that I could have applied for, nothing felt right. First images: infrastructure, hands in the ground (in spring...), creating a physical change, bringing energetic change, supporting the huge change that Findhorn is going through, mini earthquake. A generation change, a new one that takes us to new directions, and the crucial need not to lose the base, to deepen our lives according to the three core principles: inner listening, co-creation with nature and service to the world. And do all that with a lot of laughter and joy, not too seriously.

Solstice night, walked the spiral. My angel for this year is Synthesis. He is all about using creativity and sensitivity to blend all diverse parts into a unified whole. I have a year to figure it out... 

Happy New Year!  

Shaking the Heart of Jerusalem

First published 20.4.2016

In order to fix, we need to go back to when it started to break. There are 20 of us, Israelis and Europeans, following Marko Pogacnik around Jerusalem. Marko believes that the essence of Jerusalem is peace, a primeval, archetypal power that was blocked, twisted and weakened for 3000 years. We are going back in time to connect to the moment when Monotheism conquered Paganism, when the Goddess was forced to hide. These 4 days are about finding the Goddess in Jerusalem, a perfect follow up for my own personal work here the week before. Somebody up there really wants me to do my inner work….

Marko refuses to go into the Old City, he received guidance to approach Jerusalem from the outside and work around the walls. I am a bit worried when he walks confidently towards Damascus Gate, the center of terror for the last few months, but the day is beautiful and peaceful, and I relax, surrender and trust.

Zidkiyahu cave

We need to penetrate the walls of stone, we need to go into the mountain, connect heaven and earth. We go into a deep cave, below the Old City. Deep in the ground, we open our hearts, the heart of the place, we open the heart of Jerusalem through meditation and chanting. Our voices vibrate, bounce over the rocks and come back to us. I feel the mountain stretching, awakening, a powerful experience

A ritual is a language, a way to communicate information to non human entities. These entities do not have physical eyes, they do not understand our language. They can feel our intention and vibrations . I am starting to feel a connection to the angels.

Damascus Gate

We go out filled with love and light, and crash into reality. We are in the Palestinian side of the city, close to Damascus gate, a picture of normal life except for the soldiers. Busy shops, school children on their way home, women with shopping bags.  We are sitting with our backs to the wall enjoying a picnic lunch. A few teenagers are starting to circle us. In seconds the soldiers round them up, check their bags for weapons. A full body check, hands up, facing the wall, while everybody watches. I look at the one closest to me, the mixture of anger and humiliation on his face.

A wave of despair goes through the group. Our European guests are shocked and fascinated, welcome to the Middle East. Is this the future that awaits Europe?  What are we doing here? How can we make a difference in this impossible reality?

We move on immediately after this episode, not wanting to cause anymore disruption. My energy is low, my throat is clogged and I feel like crying. Marko manages to gather us energetically and we continue our conversation with the Goddess and her angels. His favorite metaphor is the David and Goliath story. We are David….small but focused. I keep thinking of the butterfly that causes walls to fall. I remind myself that I am not saving the world single handedly. This work is first and foremost for me, my connection to this frequency, my transformation. There are many that are connecting to the same source and eventually we will become a critical mass that will actually change this reality. It might not happen during my life, but what the hell, we need to start somewhere.  

2 days around the walls, walking, meditating, chanting, visualizing a better world, actually feeling a change in the energy, or maybe it is our focus and perception that are shifting.

Valley of Hell

The last day is dedicated to the Valley of Hell, a horrible name for a beautiful energetic place. The Old Testament condemned this valley, hinting that the pagans sacrificed their children to the Gods here. It was never confirmed and not very likely, human sacrifices were extremely rare in the Middle East. Another attempt to discredit Goddess work. They conquered the sacred hills that are Jerusalem and covered them with stone buildings. The valley is so powerful, they couldn't conquer its energy, so they needed to discredit it. Nobody ever built there, the reputation of it being the gate to hell actually saved it. It is a true garden of paradise, the Goddess' Garden, with fig, olive, almond and pomegranate trees in abundance. It looks like a serpent, another Goddess symbol, curling towards the Dead Sea. It feels like the only sane space below this crazy city, protecting it from losing its mind completely by sending powerful Mother Earth energy up the mountain.

I am leaving Jerusalem with a spark of new hope, not letting reality and facts confuse me. Many Israelis, including myself, tend to stay away from Jerusalem, leaving it to the fanatics, but Jerusalem is too powerful to be left uncared for. Its energy effects globally, 3 major religions have been fighting over it for 3000 years… The mountain is ready to communicate, its energy will go where we direct it, and we left it too long in care of dark forces. 

     

And thank you, Marko, we could never have done it without you.

Jerusalem

Avalon

    

Jerusalem

First published 10.4.2016

24 hours…time needed to finish my spiritual pilgrimage in Jerusalem.  I knew the road will take me there, and I wasn't too happy about it. I have/had a big issue with Jerusalem. 25 years ago I spent 2 very stressful years there, working for the King David hotel. In my experience, Jerusalem's energy is very strong and  aggressive. 3 major masculine religions are fighting over this rock for 3000 years,(after methodically erasing any sign of Goddess/earth religions….). I always get the feeling of walls, stone and marble, walls within me, walls around me. Small wonder that I didn't bother to visit there for years.

I wanted to visit St. George Monastery and the Garden Tomb (where Jesus was buried and  resurrected), both places are magical, with spiritual, peaceful gardens. Back in February I happened to read  Peter Caddy's biography (founder of Findhorn) and discovered to my amazement that I am following his spiritual Pilgrimage (his words), all the way to Iona, Glastonbury and the garden Tomb in Jerusalem. What better sign for someone who lives in Findhorn? 

Dormition Abbey

Correspondence with friends in Israel and the Israeli News sites put an end to this romantic fantasy.  This particular area of Jerusalem is in the Palestinian part of the city and is flooded with terror. Back in February it was a real war zone with people being shot and stabbed daily. I trust the universe but I am not suicidal…went to the Findhorn River, called Universe 911 and asked for guidance. The answer came immediately, the journey is through the feminine frequency, and the portal is through a Christian place but not the ones that I mentioned. The image of the Dormition Abbey,  dedicated to Maria, emerged. It is on Mt. Zion, in the Jewish side of the city. I had my lead.

My days in Glastonbury brought a deep connection to Goddess energy and a determination to find that same energy in Jerusalem. I need to penetrate through the dominant wave of strong aggressive energy. Jerusalem can be highly spiritual, violent, fanatic, deep, and never boring. I never felt any softness or feminine energy there although I am aware that others might have a different experience.

The Crypt

First stop, The Dormition Abbey, the site where Maria died, "fell asleep", a 4th century church.The upper part is imposing and very masculine. The Crypt, the basement level, is pure feminine energy, with a statue of the sleeping Maria and paintings of 6 strong Old Testament women. I find a hidden corner, wait till the tourists leave and go into a Shamanic journey into the mountain. The stones and marble are disintegrating, the church, the room of the Last Supper, the Tomb of King David, are disappearing. The mountain is shaking and stretching, and I am dropping thousands of years back into a procession of priestesses, on a full moon night. In the distance I can hear a group of pilgrims praying and chanting with their Pastor, a voice from the upper church, from the 21th century. At first I am deeply annoyed but then manage to combine these beautiful voices with my image of the Goddess' priestesses, and create a powerful frequency of love and compassion. When I finally return, I am completely disoriented.

Holy Sepulchre

I drift through Zion gate, into the old city of Jerusalem.  The old city is full of life and tourists. I find myself in the Christian quarter , in the church of the Holy Sepulchre , the holiest of all, the place of crucifixion. Here too I go to the lowest crypt, deep into a journey, same images, a different group of tourists praying and singing with their Pastor while I join the Goddess priestesses' procession, thousands of years ago. I lose track of time, past and present, the imposing building is disintegrating, the mountain is shaking all traces of dominion and is coming alive. Chaos in my body and huge release of blocked energy, I feel like crying.

women side Wailing wall

After two powerful journeys I desperately need a plate of Humus. The best Humus is in the Moslem Quarter and at this point I don't care about safety, I am determined to get my Humus. A walk through the Via Dolorosa and the warm friendly sellers and waiters remind me again that we are the same, we just want to be happy, healthy and make a living. 

Last stop is in the Wailing Wall, the holiest place for Jews. Here the journey is more difficult, maybe because it is an open noisy space, unlike the dark quiet corners in the churches, maybe because I am tired. I repeat a short version of the Shamanic journey, and slowly walk back to my guesthouse.

The evening is beautiful but my body is shattered and I feel  strong pain in my pelvis. I am guided into another meditation, this time to ground and balance the different parts of my Pilgrimage - Iona, Avalon, Jerusalem - in my body. I can now acknowledge the powerful healing that is still working in me. I made peace with my country, I made peace with this city, I released anger and aggression within me and connected to an ancient frequency that was buried under 3000 years of violence. It's a start. Next week I am coming again, to do some work with Marko Pogacnik. Marko, a well known artist and a dear man who works with the energy of the earth, comes a lot to Israel but so far refused to work in Jerusalem. Now, he decided, it's time, in accordance with my own guidance, what are the odds?  

Marko believes that the only way to achieve peace is to shake and transform the energetic patterns that are dominant here. I didn't plan it but this is exactly what I tried to do during my own little Journey. Can't wait to experiment with a large group of people……

Let the Journey begin

Avalon

Shaking the Heart of Jerusalem

Avelon

First published 23.3.2016

Chalice well

I am standing in the red water of the Chalice Well spring, the Goddess' garden. my feet are cold but the energy is shooting through me. I meditate in the garden and surrender to beauty and peacefulness. A strong stream of energy goes through me, anchoring me to the ground. All I want is to sit there forever, feeling held and contained by the atmosphere, feminine energy, Goddess/mother energy at its best. 

The day after, I climb the Tor of Avalon, the hill that attracts pilgrims for thousands of years. It is cold and windy at the top and I feel cranky, it takes me a long time to open a portal and go into a journey, deep into the hill, into the earth. I feel myself walk in rich, warm mud, I then go through fire and stand under a waterfall, and as I climb up I feel my lungs expand. A sense of balance with the elements and with Avalon's energy is settling in me and the images are starting to emerge.

Tor of avalon

I am staying in a lovely BB called Apple Fairy, a warm comfortable environment that supports going deeper into "me". Between meditating in different locations and staying in my room, I am starting to get the sense of this journey.  In Iona I re-connected to a part that went to sleep while I happily engaged in Findhorn's social and working life.  I met the Goddess, and now I have come to the place that is so associated with her, to deepen my connection. I am not big on ceremony and don't feel connected to the different witches' covens and Goddess priestesses' groups that flourish in Glastonbury. It is more about the energetic connection, the frequency through which I communicate with the world. I let the place work through me and for the first time in 2 rears I give remote healing to someone in Israel. The results are immediate and so is the feedback. 

   

I already know that this journey will take me to Jerusalem. Years ago, sitting here on the Tor, I had a strong vision of places that are "healing pockets", places that attract pilgrims because of their healing energy. I remember going into a shamanic journey, being shown these "healing pockets" around the world, and not seeing any in my country.  Jerusalem has the strong energy that attracts pilgrims but it is far from being a healing place, at least for me. I made the connection then between the lack of healing energy from the ground and our need to fill ourselves with energy through weakening our neighbors, hence the constant fighting, the polarization, the greed for land from both sides. That visit to the Tor started my fascination with co- creation with nature. I imagined thousands of little gardens, in Israel and in Palestine, cared for by women, full of healing herbs and small ponds, sanctuaries from violence, aggressiveness and stress. I started writing and working in gardens, and then I moved to Findhorn and developed other aspects of my work.

  

A vision of re-awakening feminine energy, connected to the land, embracing and lovingly holding the weary, is emerging. The path is closely linked with the 3 core principles that are the foundation of Findhorn's life: inner listening, co creation with nature and service to the world.   

It was always easy to connect to Avalon's Celtic goddesses. I realize that I know close to

Mary Magdalene Chapel

nothing about the Goddess in my own country. As I sit in the garden of Mary Magdalene's chapel, I get the image of the Goddess Ashera, and I cringe. 12 years of Bible lessons, Old Testament stories praising kings who murdered Ashera and Baal servers because they did wrong in the eyes of the Lord, complete demonization of this Goddess and women like Queen Jezebel who worshipped her. I feel the indoctrination in me, I feel myself recoile when I think of Christian feminine figures and yet I "drink" the healing energy in the garden that is dedicated to Mary Magdalene. 

The longer I sit there (I came more than once), the more connected I feel to the place, and the coin drops…under the stories, under the biblical figures, lies a river of energy that is evolving, changing shapes and names, but is constant. I am following the river of Gaia energy, with its different names. Ashera,  Mary, Avalon, all portals into a deeper frequency that needs to surface and be renamed. As I meditate in this peaceful garden, I feel the walls within me crumble. It is time to go back to the Old Testament (first time in 35 years…) and read the goddess' references with new glasses. And then go to Jerusalem and find the Goddess there. Buried under thousands of years of war and violence, I am certain that she is there, I just need to find the portal.


Let the journey begin

Let the Journey Begin...

First published 18.3.2016

I have started on a pilgrimage, a spiritual/ emotional journey that will hopefully bring me

Iona

some clarity, and gracefully move me to the next stage of my life. A technical problem with my work visa (I forgot to send the English test certificate with my application), a need to apply again, made me stop. Sitting on the secluded beach next to my parents' house, some dormant aspects of "me" came to say hello. I looked at them with surprise, and a bit of apprehension, and realized that life during the last two years took me to a very different path than what I imagined when I came to Findhorn.  No complaints, I went through very rich, exciting, fantastic two years. Enjoyed most of it and welcomed the challenges, made new wonderful  friends, and  deepened my connection to this magical place that is the Findhorn Foundation.  I hope that my journey will bring me back there, to the next phase of Foundation life. At the same time, I am open to whatever comes.

My lovely non Israeli friends want to follow my journey. Since they refuse to learn Hebrew in order to read my blog (I have been writing this blog for several years now), I am attempting to write in English. I surrender myself to Word and its spelling check. As for grammar, well, I have a certificate that I can speak, write and read English, it doesn't get better than that.

In order to park my personality on the passenger sit, and let my inner self drive for a change, I went for a week to the Isle of Iona. There, in Findhorn's retreat house, in the Sanctuary and on the beach, I surrendered, reciting again and again the beautiful text that you see in the picture. It is hanging on the sanctuary's door.

In the ruins of the women's monastery, I found my inner voice, I re-connected to the Goddess, a frequency that I did not use for over a year now. I did feel that I am losing my ability to channel information to people, to give healing, my co-creation in the garden diminished, but new portals opened, and I am forever grateful for our Spiritual Foundation group and for the energetic work that we did together. While going through energetic portals that were opened by others, I closed my own unique frequency. It is time to re-connect and re-create my life. How exciting! How frightening! But mostly exciting….

The women's monastery

Iona is a magical, highly potent island. This was my forth visit and the first that I did not spend half of it sick in bed.  I guess I learned to surrender, to really open up to the island. I did try to help the angels to reach the right decision regarding my future, but they kept pushing me out of the "Council of Spirits". Eventually I had to sit back and relax, and let them do their magic.

Back in Findhorn, I started the disciplined work of grounding what came up in Iona,  re-imprinting this new/old frequency in my body. There are different ways to manifest the "plan", the vision that one creates in a dream. I take the energy that emerges and send it through my body. I used the guidelines of Astrid Gude's wonderful workshop "Children of the Elements" and went on a journey through the elements. And thank you Sally, from the Rainbow Lodge BB, for providing such a wonderful environment for deepening my connection to the Goddess within me.  

2 weeks through the elements….connecting to the seed of potentials (element of earth),

The Findhorn river

grounding the energy into the ground in the original garden, crying and dripping (severe cold…) through the element of Water, re-imprinting with the help of Pia mark, washing in the river (energetically, haven't lost my mind yet…Scotland…), transmuting negative emotions and fears through Fire, and eventually reaching Air, expanding my lungs and finding my voice, one outcome is me writing now…in English…

My journey takes me to Glastonbury, to Avalon. A morning in the Chalice Well garden already sent me to bed…the energy is very strong here. The journey continues…and you will get to hear about it, about the insights that slowly emerge, as soon as I get my strength back. Some chocolate and a good night sleep should do it. Tomorrow I am climbing the Tor of Avalon.