We are standing on ladders,
pruning apple trees. It takes time to enter a "pruning state". No
matter how much I read about it, it doesn't land. Standing in front of the tree,
I usually enter a catatonic state, no idea where to start. The way to deal with
it is to go into attunement, inner listening. I close my eyes, ignore the environment,
balance my heart bit with the tree's
bit. When I am really focused, provided we are not close to tea break (10.30
am, 3.30 pm...) and I don't attune to cookies, I am able to "read"
the tree, my hand moves with no thought, and the magic happens.
Attunement serves us when
the department needs to take difficult decisions. The teams are changing
frequently and every department has a small number of permanent staff,
apprentices that come for a few months and might become staff, and many guests
that come for a week or for months. Everybody go through the same long path
from guest to staff. It is a challenging path of apprenticeship, of living
together in community, loads of satisfaction and creativity. Therefore when
it's time to accept a new member to the team, we approach it very seriously,
and with open heart. We've been there.
It's not easy to say no when someone responds to an inner call to serve, to take care of this magical
place. Findhorn attracts many people from all over the world and it is a
privilege to become one of its carers. Is it enough that an apprentice is a
good devoted worker? Good with guests? We need gardeners, the season is
starting soon. I know what we are facing in terms of
gardening and holding guests. Every
day is a mini workshop. More gardeners will enable us to take some vacation
time. Yet, something doesn’t work and I can't put my finger on it.
Findhorn has a very strong
energy field. Emotional baggage is released to the ether, as our guests allow
themselves to let go, our own emotional/spiritual baggage circling around. The
energy flow within the team is very important, the non verbal support, the
ability to let go, relax, knowing that others are there for me. Every Wednesday
afternoon we meet for meditation and sharing, instant psychological therapy. I unloaded
buckets of emotions from my deepest spaces during this quality time, knowing
that the stage is mine and nobody will give unwanted feedback. There will be
listening, total support and confidentiality. The sacred space of sharing will
be kept sacred. It takes time to develop this space of total trust.
The head is very much aware
of the need for more gardeners, the
heart finds it difficult to say no without a "justified " reason, but
there is an inner feeling that it doesn't work.
Attunement - we gather for a guided meditation. Our
focaliser (the one who holds the team and the focus of the garden) guides us to
the dimension of thoughts and feelings. The pictures are flying in front of me
and I am deep in conversation between me, I and myself. Part of me watches the
proceedings from a detached space. Later
we are asked to go deeper, to allow a deeper voice to emerge, to look at the
bigger picture, beyond our department, to receive clarity regarding the higher
good for all of us.
It seems that the effort of living together takes a lot of energy that can be
directed to creativity and growth. Instead, we are diminishing ourselves, tip
towing. Our apprentice has a big strong lovable personality, charisma and
great skills. The effort it takes to diminish herself in order to fit in, the
effort we make to let her be herself, will eventually bring unnecessary stress
and bitterness. I prefer a bed with different plants that co-exist in harmony
then one spectacular plant that others can't grow next to.
We share, it seems that
all five team members received the same message. There are tears, there is
pain, I feel acid in my stomach, but there is also a feeling of acceptance, of
a pure, compassionate process. Our apprentice chooses to work with us for a few
more days. There is bitterness but I don't feel that it is directed towards us.
I feel purity and expansiveness. If we tried to explain verbally, we would have
ended with blame and defensiveness. Some situations are beyond words and a
deeper space should make the decision.
This process of decision making
that allows a deeper voice to take charge, is purifying and releasing all
stress. Let go, surrender with faith that whatever comes is for the good
of all. I made the most crucial life decisions this way (after talking myself
to death with an overly active mind...). I don't remember any regrets. There is
no right or wrong here, just an ever changing point of equilibrium, while we
look for the next step forward.
During our internal conference,
we picked the Findhorn Foundation angel for 2017: The angel of Relaxation. Kathy
Tyler, who led us through a day of silence and a process called Sacred Chambers,
pointed out that this does not mean a year in a coma....relaxation means
allowing ourselves to be processed rather than actively process.
Surrender...attunement....and
garden....
.
